digital minimalism: reclaiming your attention in a world designed to steal it

a personal journey toward intentional tech use without going off the grid

i hate notifications. maybe if companies didn't abuse them then i wouldn't take issue but that's not the case. i download an app, it asks to notify me. if it were a banking app, that makes sense. if it were an app like life360 where i'm intended to be tracked by a loved one with my consent, that makes sense! why the hell does a photo editing app need to notify me? why does an astrology app i use for funsies need to notify me? why does a music app need to notify me? if you've already started coming up with answers, i ask that you read it again.

why do these apps “need” to notify us?

for most, i think they don't. the creators of these apps must know that. but if we mindlessly click allow, then we give them another chance to interrupt our lives. to advertise to us. to tell us there's a sale. to convince us to take an action that probably only benefits them. to persuade us into doing something they want. to remind us they exist. to remind us of another way to use their app. to distract us from whatever we're doing, so we can focus on them instead.

i think a lot of people download an app, open it for the first time, and click that allow button without thinking about it, or maybe even think "why not?" i encourage you to think differently, or at least think twice. you could allow them. but should you? do you need to? i promise that you are not missing out on anything important. if the app is not related to your finances, health, or safety, the odds that it needs to be able to compete for our attention, or demand it, are slim to none.

don't get me started either on how, as we've been conditioned to just allow every app to notify us, we've created a habit of letting our phones or devices interrupt our alone time, quality time with others, or meaningful moments where a device really has no valid reason to be taking us out of it, removing us from the present.

one of my biggest peeves, and something i absolutely try my best to never do to others, is when i'm talking to somebody and they either cannot look away from their phone or they look at it every time it dings or vibrates. naturally, i'm not talking about circumstances where they're waiting for an important message, call, or other notification, either. i mean those people, and we probably all know someone like this or we are this person, who cannot resist looking at a notification coming in.

i used to be more tolerant of this, but now i've started using it as an opportunity to communicate a preference of mine. "hey, i'd really like to spend some time with you, just you, would you mind not checking your phone so often? i feel like when you do it, it takes away from the moment." i've used this line, and variations of it, multiple times. at first it felt difficult, and it is confrontational, but it got easier, and now i am completely comfortable saying it.

it takes two to tango in any dynamic, friendships or romance alike, and for me to tango with anybody, they should know my boundaries and i should know theirs. this is an important boundary for me now, and i can only recall 2 people in the last 2 years who kept continuously checking their phone when we hung out, so i don't hang out with those people anymore.

i want to hang out with people who will be in the moment with me or as much as they can be. continuously letting your device demand your attention shows me you're not in the moment and you're not trying to be. we all have the ability to silence our devices or put them away when there is nothing urgent we are waiting for and when we are in the company of others. instagram can wait. we didn't evolve because we always checked our instagram. we evolved because we built quality relationships with other people face to face. so let's keep doing that.

tools meant to serve us end up owning us

all that said, i love technology. i work in it full time. i've been playing with it since i was a small child. it was one of the first topics i really took to and was fascinated by. i still am. so this is not a piece about how technology sucks, it is all evil, we should abandon it, and never use it again. not at all. however, there are parts of our relationship with it that are worth pointing out and addressing.

for one, we own our technology. our technology does not own us. it was created to serve us, to help us. we cannot forget that. when i look around, i feel like many people already have. we've let our devices demand our attention and dictate how we spend our time. but i'm not here to shame people, especially because this didn't happen by accident! it's not like we are all silly little humans who simply can't be trusted with little screens. this was by design. this was intentional. this is the result of big tech companies who've done everything they can to own us, our money, our time, our attention. but it doesn't have to be this way.

intentionality > abstinence

there are a lot of reasons i won't advocate for complete abstinence of technology and the most obvious one is that it is never going away. so to completely remove it from our lives would practically be impossible. most importantly, i think we should keep technology in our lives because it's a chance to take back our power and use it the way it was intended; to help us. to connect us. to make our lives easier. to add value to our lives. to learn new things. to express ourselves. i believe there is a world where we can make our technology work for us, instead of letting it own us.

my journey toward digital minimalism

there was a point where my phone's average screen time was 12 hours. that's the highest it ever got, though that's nothing to brag about. we only have 24 hours in a day. at the time, i recall regularly sleeping 6-8 hours too, while being in college on a full time schedule, and having a part-time job at a cafe. it was the beginning of covid, so i will give myself a little grace, but not much.

looking back that was still valuable time where i could've been doing literally anything else. reading, writing, painting, drawing, cooking, walking, running, lifting, crafting, listening to music, playing with my dogs, dancing, learning or mastering any skill of my choice. but no, i was hopelessly addicted to doom scrolling, particularly on tiktok, destroying my attention span, and suppressing any thought of my own. i was always stimulated by the next little video the holy algorithm would serve me. i won't pretend like i didn't learn things on that app either. i definitely did. but i couldn't tell you what i learned, so for how many hours i put into that app, i don't think the return on knowledge learned was worth it.

you might think i'm going to say i exercised self control and discipline, and got my screen time to a reasonable number after i saw that i was averaging 12 hours, but no. it would take another 2 and a half years, it would take me enrolling into a college program that consumed a lot of my time, it would take me getting a job in real estate closings, it would take me moving out on my own and paying my own bills, and it would take me meeting my best friend who didn't really use social media, for me to finally lower my phone's screen time.

all of those things needed to happen, and i'm glad they did, because i don't think my phone's screen time has averaged over 4/5 hours maximum since that transformation in mid 2022. nowadays i average about 2 to 3 hours daily. but the numbers, the quantity of time, are the least relevant part of this piece. it's the way that my relationship with technology has transformed, it's the quality of how that time is spent, that i want to get into.

the costs of being digital overwhelmed

attention fragmentation and its impact on deeper thinking

attention fragmentation refers to how our focus gets split into smaller and smaller pieces when we're constantly interrupted by notifications, app switches, and the habit of quick-checking our phones. instead of giving our full attention to one thing for an extended period, we give partial attention to many things in rapid succession.

this fragmentation directly impacts our ability to engage in deeper thinking because it takes our brain about 23 minutes to fully refocus after an interruption, but most of us are getting interrupted every few minutes by our devices. we're literally rewiring our neural pathways to seek quick dopamine hits (likes, new content, notifications) rather than the slower, more meaningful rewards that come from sustained focus. when we're constantly context-switching, we lose the ability to make deeper connections between ideas - the kind that emerge when you sit with a problem or concept for an extended period. we develop what some researchers call "continuous partial attention" - a state where we're never fully present anywhere, just skimming the surface of everything. this matters because deeper thinking is where creativity, insight, and meaningful work happens. it's also where we process our own emotions and experiences in ways that lead to personal growth.

the anxiety loop of constant connectivity

the irony of constant connectivity is that it leaves me feeling more alone and anxious than ever. we've created this weird feedback loop where we check our phones because we're anxious, then feel anxious because we checked our phones, then check them again to soothe the anxiety. it's exhausting and strange.

i noticed it in myself in 2022. a flutter in my chest whenever my phone would light up, a subtle dread of missing something "important," the way my hand would reach for my device without any thought. sometimes i'd check it, put it down, and then literally pick it up again seconds later without even realizing what i was doing. rarely was it ever something that actually mattered.

this constant state of low grade anxiety isn't natural. we weren't built to be perpetually available, constantly responding, always "on." our nervous systems simply can't handle the barrage of small stressors that pile up when we're always connected.

breaking this loop isn't easy and it starts with recognizing it exists. the relief i felt when i first turned off most notifications was almost instant. oddly, it also felt a little wrong too as i was turning the notifications off, app by app. like i wasn't supposed to do it, because i'd be missing out on something. but that's exactly what i was conditioned to feel after having them on by default for so long. and when i remembered that, it pissed me off again, so i kept turning them off, until all the non-essential app notifications were disabled. and while i was there in each app, i was also limiting my settings for my photo sharing, location sharing, microphone, bluetooth and so on. fuck it, why not? for most apps, they don't need to have that access either.

how algorithms are designed to manipulate

the apps we use aren't designed with our wellbeing in mind, generally speaking. they're engineered to maximize our engagement and the amount of money we can generate for that company, not our personal happiness or fulfillment. every now and then, someone around me will say "i wish there was an app that did this" or "i wish this app i use would add this feature" and they sound truly puzzled about why that app or that feature doesn't exist. so i speak up. those apps don't exist, or those features don't exist on our apps, because it would be bad for business, bottom line. it's not lucrative enough, it's not addicting enough, it's not a way for them to access more data, so it won't be built. something fundamental to know about our technology and how it is designed is that absolutely no part of it is a coincidence or an accident. and much of what is privacy-focused or positive about these apps exists because of the relatively few regulations they have to adhere to. it wasn't out of the kindness of the tech ceo who earns a $250 million dollar salary's heart. the same is true for capitalism and the systems we live under, but i'll get to that in another post.

every "pull to refresh," every autoplay feature, every infinite scroll… these aren't accidents or convenient features. they're actually carefully calculated design choices meant to keep us hooked. it's also not conspiracy theory shit to acknowledge this; the people who built these systems have admitted it. they use the same psychological principles that make slot machines addictive.

what messes with me is how easily we fall for it. again, i'm not blaming all of us, but it makes me sad. these algorithms know exactly what will keep us scrolling, whether it's outrage (aka ragebait), insecurity, desire, or just plain fomo. they're trained on billions of data points about human behavior and optimized to hijack our attention.

they're also getting better at it every day! while some of us are trying to practice digital minimalism, they're evolving to break through our defenses. just look at how pissed google has been about people using ad blockers in chrome and/or while watching youtube videos. these big tech companies continue to find ways to infiltrate our lives, harvest as much of our data and money as they can, and keep us glued to our screens.

like i said, i am not anti-tech. but i am not willing to use my phone like a zombie and scroll infinitely or be constantly interrupted with notifications. once i started seeing these patterns, i couldn't unsee them. now when i find myself getting sucked in, i remind myself that i'm not obligated to do any of this. i can close this app. i can leave this site. i can silence my device or i can turn it off.

excessive tech use disconnects us

the great paradox of our hyperconnected world is how disconnected it's made us, from each other and from ourselves.

i've had dinners with family or friends where everyone's half present, minds partially elsewhere, fingers twiddling on their phones. we've normalized this bizarre state where we're physically together but mentally scattered. i think it's a shitty way to live.

the deeper disconnection happens within ourselves. when we're constantly absorbing other people's thoughts, opinions, and extremely curated life highlights, we can lose touch with our own inner dialogue. it becomes harder to distinguish between what we actually think and what we've absorbed from our feeds.

since 2022, as my relationship with technology has changed for the better, i trust myself more than ever. i was self-censoring before, because it's like if i hadn't seen the thought or opinion shared by others in person or online, then maybe it was the wrong one. as i've been offline more, i've been able to tap into more of my raw creativity, my actual thoughts, forming opinions that truly feel like my own, not just the product of me constantly consuming others.

tiktok and reddit, for me, were the most impactful on me in this way. echo chambers are absolutely a thing and i used to be deep in them. the algorithm would feed me content that confirmed what i already believed, rarely challenging me but constantly reinforcing the same perspectives until they felt like universal truths. i would even share things with my friends/family by opening with “everyone’s talking about…” or “have you heard of (x)? it’s everywhere” when it actually wasn’t. it was just popular on “my” side of the internet, shared by people who have similar feeds to me. and when you're getting the same opinions from seemingly different sources, it creates this illusion that "everyone thinks this way" when really we're just seeing the same recycled viewpoints packaged differently.

now i avoid non-technical comment sections and forums like the plague. if i'm not learning or troubleshooting something for my career (as i said, i work in technology), i really don't see a need to open or read them. i make exceptions for funny posts, certain substack content where discussions often inspire me to write, and particularly wholesome content i enjoy (safe spaces), but that's all.

in a time where bots are rampant and ragebaiting people is rewarded by the algorithm, i don't care about what user @elonmuskisamazing123 has to say, even though they're totally real and not a bot designed to invoke some emotion from me that'll hold my attention longer and extend my engagement time on that post.

i also acknowledge that ragebait is rewarded by the algorithm probably because it is rewarded by people. that kind of content wouldn’t and couldn’t spread if it didn’t work so well on us. it is worth examining. why do humans flock to negativity? why do humans love to correct people or tell them what they’re doing wrong?

why can’t people see a menial mistake (like a grammatical error) and shut up instead of leaving comments about it? why don’t people take more of an interest in good news or uplifting content? why does it seem like humans don’t flock to positivity? is it too boring or too predictable? i’ll expand on these in a future post, but it was too relevant not to put here.

our brains need empty space to process, to integrate experiences, to actually fucking think. when we fill every moment with input or stimulation, we never give ourselves the chance to develop original thoughts or to sit with our own emotions long enough to understand them.

maybe most importantly, we need presence and undivided attention to form meaningful connections with others. there's something sacred and so humane about being fully seen and heard by another person, which is something no digital interaction can fully replicate.

moderation > elimination

why cold turkey approaches can fail

cold turkey approaches ignore the psychological reality of how habits work. they create this forbidden fruit effect where the thing you're avoiding becomes even more appealing. plus, they don't even address the underlying needs that technology was filling, however imperfectly. that void doesn't just disappear because you deleted instagram.

i'm not interested in unsustainable choices, because i want lasting change that doesn't require me to live like a digital monk or constantly battle my own impulses. that's how i got where i am now. i tried and failed many times to go cold turkey. i'd delete apps in a moment of frustration or awareness, swearing i was done forever, only to reinstall them a few days later when i felt isolated or bored or when some event happened that everyone was talking about online. each failure made me feel worse about my self-control, which only pushed me deeper into unhealthy usage patterns as a way to cope. i'm sure others have too. it just isn't realistic or sustainable for most of us, and that's nothing to be discouraged by.

working in tech while practicing digital minimalism

as i mentioned earlier, i've always been fascinated by technology. i grew up with it. i love learning about new developments, playing with new tools, understanding how things work, seeing the problems technology can solve. working in tech is my job, but it's also something i genuinely care about and like to stay involved in.

what's helped me is letting go of rigid ideas about what digital minimalism should look like according to others. my approach doesn't need to match anyone else's. yours, as the reader, doesn't need to match mine. i don't need to feel guilty about loving my work or being excited about new technologies. i just need to stay honest with myself about how my habits are affecting my life and adjust as needed.

people might guess i'm plugged in 24/7, testing every new thing, or i’m always reachable. however, i think working in tech gives me a clearer perspective on why boundaries matter and why people would benefit from having stronger ones with their technology too.

i see how the sausage is made. i understand the design decisions and business models behind the products that demand our attention. that knowledge makes me far more, not less, protective of my digital space.

it would be hypocritical for me to completely reject the industry i work in, but it would also be naive to embrace everything uncritically. i've found that being selective and intentional actually makes me better at my job, because my energy is not drained from doomscrolling or reading a bunch of useless notifications. it also reinforces my ethics to be in rooms with people talking about these things and to be a person who keeps the wellbeing of users in mind.

curating > abandoning

digital minimalism doesn’t mean we should all live in a cabin in the woods (though no shade if that's your thing, it might be mine one day if the world keeps going the way it is). for me, my focus is on curation, treating my attention like the valuable resource it is and being deliberate about where i spend it. and i never forget that the one thing i don't get back is my time.

as i said, i still use social media, but i've turned it from a default time-filler into a tool that serves specific purposes in my life. i still own a smartphone, but i've reconfigured it to work for me rather than against me. i only have certain apps and i only use them in certain ways at certain times with certain settings.

this middle path is about asking better questions than just "should i use this or not?" instead, i ask: how is this affecting me? what need is it meeting or failing to meet? could something else meet that need more effectively? what boundaries would make this better? what feelings is it invoking from me when i use it?

in some ways, curation is harder than elimination, because it requires ongoing attention and adjustment. but it's also more sustainable because it acknowledges the reality that technology is here to stay and we just need better ways of living with it.

there's a reason we all adopted these tools in the first place. they solve real problems and create genuine value.

technology has connected me with people i'd never have met otherwise, exposed me to ideas that have changed how i see the world, and given me access to opportunities that wouldn't have existed a generation ago. it's helped me learn new skills, maintain long distance friendships, keep in touch with loved ones while traveling, and find communities that align with my interests. these aren't small things!

digital boundaries

only allow essential notifications

3 years ago, i realized my phone had basically trained me like one of pavlov's dogs. that buzz or ping would hit, and i'd feel this compulsion to check it, regardless of what i was doing or who i was with. so i did what should have been obvious from the start, i turned them off!

now i only allow notifications from actual humans trying to reach me (calls, texts) and financial apps that might alert me to something i need to know about. email gets through during work hours because, ya know, i'm working. everything else can wait.

what i've discovered is that 99% of notifications aren't urgent. they're designed to feel urgent, but that's not the same thing. that "urgent" feeling is manufactured to pull you back into apps that profit from your attention.

the beauty of this is that i still check the apps i want to check, but on my schedule, not theirs. i'm no longer being yanked away from real life by some algorithm deciding it's time for me to pay attention. the power dynamic has shifted back where it belongs.

and there is another layer, most apps have a section for managing notifications, and i always go there too and turn those off. on instagram for example, i only have in-app notifications for comments, dms, and replies. besides that i don't really care or want to know anything else. rinse and repeat. when i sign up for an app or open an account, that's one of the first things i do. i check my security settings, my privacy/data settings, and my notification settings. i know if i don't, more often than not, they'll have some kind of access to me that i don't want them to have and/or waste my time with meaningless notifications.

the after work shutdown ritual

something i realized i need to do was create separation between my connected and disconnected life. for me, it looks like this after i am done with my remote work for the day:

• closing all work-related tabs and apps / closing my work laptop

• doing a quick scan of any personal messages that need responses

• setting my phone to do not disturb if i want more solitude that evening (though i let certain peoples calls go through if they call twice in a row)

• lately, i try to do some stretching since working at a desk for years has really messed with my posture, and i find it relaxing

for you, this could also include setting your phone to do not disturb or creating a custom version of it, where you only allow certain apps to be available, certain apps to notify you of anything, and certain people can access you.

the beautiful thing is without the constant pull of the digital world, my evenings have become mine again :)

morning and evening phone usage

in the mornings, i usually spend some time chatting with my best friend/roomie, make my matcha latte, and i do my morning pages once i get to my desk but before i begin any work for my salaried job. it's becoming a ritual that helps me ease into the day, since i am not a morning person naturally and i find trying to become one (long term) is much harder than i imagined.

since i work remotely, once i'm properly caffeinated, i ease into focused work on my laptop. i might check my personal email on my phone for a few minutes, but typically my phone sits untouched until lunch. there's something really satisfying about getting deep work done in those morning hours when my mind is fresh. sometimes i wonder if my mind would be even sharper if i started work earlier, closer to sunrise, but i can never seem to be up early enough. i blame my insanely comfortable mattress and two snuggly dachshunds, daisy and duke.

evenings are where i've found a decent groove without extremities. yeah, i'm still using screens, but it's different now. i'm usually reading books, articles from substack or my favorite magazines. sometimes i’m just vibing to music. i'm cool with that, it works for me!

it's not the same energy drain as mindlessly scrolling through social media or getting worked up over some random internet drama that won't matter tomorrow or the day after that. when i do use social media, it is almost exclusively a brief scroll on reddit or a few minutes on instagram for fashion-related content or seeing what my friends are up to. i have conditioned myself to not really be on for more than 15-30 minutes at a time. this way, i'm using technology in a way that actually helps me wind down and feels enriching rather than depleting.

waiting around

we've been conditioned to pull out our phones the second we're waiting for anything: coffee, doctor's appointment, a friend is running late, you name it. but what if we just… didn't?

i started experimenting with this after noticing how anxious i felt during any moment of "empty" time or when i was in some kind of waiting mode. now i try to leave these spaces open.

sometimes i people watch, sometimes i daydream, sometimes i look around and let whatever thoughts come to me. if it's a scenario where literally everyone around me is also on their phone and it's hard to find anything interesting, i will take my phone out but i try to reach for a book or a substack post and not have a doomscroll session.

the more i choose to people watch or look at my surroundings, the more i enjoy it. it's fun trying to guess which couples are on first dates, who is fighting, really taking in how somebody is styled that day, seeing what people are reading, seeing if i have somehow unlocked the ability to read people's minds yet, etc.

practical techniques

keeping only the apps we need

the list of installed apps on my phone is impressively short. there was a time where most marketing tactics would work on me and getting me to download an app and enter all of my real information for one time use was easy. but then, and i don't remember how it happened, i just started being like, honestly i don't know when or why i downloaded this, so i'm going to delete it. and that turned into me being like well why would i download that app? i'm never going to need it or am probably better off just using the site or app within the browser.

then one night i sat down and deleted every app i don't use multiple times a month or don't really need. now i only have 60-70 apps and i could tell you what i use each and every one for. i regularly audit them too. this practice also helped me realize i've been giving companies and random sites/apps my real name and information for years, and why? they're probably just going to sell it at a minimum, and at the very most, it could get leaked. now they don't get that either. i don't want your app. i don't even want to give you any information. but if i must use your little website for my little purpose, you will get my fake information, so when you sell it or it gets leaked in a breach, i'm hopefully not affected.

gatekeeping our real information

websites, companies, apps, forms, etc… it seems like everybody and everything needs to know who we are and how to reach us. but i don't want to be reached if it's just to be sent marketing campaigns, useless newsletters, and any kind of message that'll get me to spend my money or share more of my data. no thanks.

need my phone number? here's my google voice. need my email? here's the gmail i specifically use for non-important things. need my address? ok maybe i'll give you that one, totally depends on what i'm doing… but if it's not important, here's a fake one of that too! need my first and last name? here's a fake one! and i normally put the company as the last name too, so if my fake information ever gets leaked, the leak might also reveal who sold or gave them my data in the first place. it's a trail, basically. you get the idea.

i know many people have been conditioned to not value their data because they're willing to trade it for convenience, but i encourage you to think twice. "yeah but i don't care about all that stuff" ok, but other people definitely care, so much so that data brokerage is a multi-billion dollar industry.

these companies literally exist to collect, package, and sell our personal information to whoever will pay for it. that seemingly harmless photo editing app might be feeding your location data, contacts, and browsing habits into massive databases that build eerily accurate profiles of you. and when these companies have data breaches, your information gets leaked into even shadier corners of the internet (dark web) where it can be used for identity theft, targeted scams, or worse…

it's also the reason my credit is always frozen with all 3 bureaus, as a just in case. coming up with fake information or alternative numbers/emails isn't too hard. think of it like an alter ego or another side of yourself to make it easy. create a contact card in your phone for this person if you need to remember the fake details of yours. use password managers like bitwarden or lastpass to keep up with your logins so you don't have to store semantics like that in your head.

think of it like this. there's the real you and for meaningful sites/apps, like banking institutions and your IRS account, you can give your real information such as your full name, real address, real phone number, real email, etc. however, for social media accounts, online stores, video games, one-time use apps, etc., they get the fake you/marketing version of you, so that's where you'd use all of your fake info!

if some promotional text or email finds its way to you, mark it as spam and delete the email/text/call, and block them if you can too. my phone, texts, and emails don't go off like crazy now and i feel comfortable knowing i'm doing my best to only give my real information to businesses or entities that need it.

screen time monitoring

quality over quantity, but it still matters. sometimes my screen time might be 6 hours but when 4.5 of those were from reading on my books app, it's obvious that that's not affecting me the same as 4.5 hours of doomscrolling or going down some pop culture rabbit hole.

however, i still pay attention to this screen time metric, because we're all capable of getting carried away sometimes. i might be solid 90% of the time but if there's 3 days in a row of me exceeding my normal or ideal screen time, and if that time wasn't meaningfully spent, then it's better that i see that & do something about it than disable my screen time altogether and just hope i'm doing well. so that's why i keep it on, for me it is a tool for accountability so long as i acknowledge both the quality & quantity of my time spent, and not just that metric.

mindful consumption and curated feeds

while i do feel this entire piece is important, i can't stress this technique enough. not everything that comes across our desks is worth reading. not everybody we meet will deserve or get a place in our lives. not every item is worth buying. you get the idea. so why would we consume all of the content that appears in our feeds?

as my relationship with technology has evolved, one of my biggest realizations that applies to all parts of my life is that curation is extremely important. it's the reason we say quality over quantity. it's the reason people hire matchmakers instead of using dating apps. it's the reason we have loyalty to certain brands or businesses even if there are cheaper alternatives. it’s also what we will need more than ever as ai generated slop fills the internet and our feeds.

maybe you're thinking "but social media apps and sites use algorithms, isn't that like curation?" i argue no, it's not the same, because you're not entirely the one who curated it and the creators didn't have your best interest in mind. they didn't curate the content to be "ideal" for your life the way you curated your room to feel cozy and comfortable. they designed their algorithms to be addictive and to make them money.

how is that curation? that is trickery, even if there are positive byproducts, like sometimes you like the content. it's nice that you like the content, but we shouldn't be so manipulated by these companies that we like content and then continue to doomscroll or go down rabbit holes until we find more content to like. that is the addictive and manipulative part of this.

this is why we need to curate our feeds and then ideally, end our time on the app when we've reached a time limit or when the content doesn't feel meaningful to us anymore. if we open instagram, and they feed us to the perfect content in that first minute, then yay, but if we keep scrolling, we could spend the next 30 minutes just mildly amused, and boom we get perfect content again! BUT it took 30 minutes of scrolling past low quality stuff, so was it even worth it?

let's think about what 30 minutes actually means in our lives. thirty minutes is 2.1% of a 24-hour day. if we're being realistic and accounting for 8 hours of sleep, that's 3.1% of our waking hours. and if we work a standard 8-hour day, that's 6.25% of our free time. but that's being incredibly generous because most of us don't actually have 8 hours of free time.

when you factor in commuting, cooking, eating, showering, getting ready, household chores, and for many people, childcare. realistically, most adults have maybe 5-6 hours of genuinely discretionary time on a workday. so that 30 minute scroll could easily be 10% of all the free time you get in a day. ten percent! if you scroll for longer and get to 1 hour, that’s 20% of your free time! and for what? a few seconds of dopamine and content you'll probably forget within hours.

i've started treating social media more like i treat restaurants; i go in with a specific appetite, satisfy it, and leave. i don't sit at the table for hours after i've finished eating just because they might bring me another dish i like. that mentality has been game changing. i check in with specific intentions: to see what certain friends are up to, to look for fashion inspo, or to check responses to something i've posted. once that need is met, i close the app, regardless of how long it's been. sometimes that's 30 seconds, sometimes it's 15 minutes, but it's never "until i get bored" anymore.

digital curation

i follow my real friends & family & other kinds of connections on social media, and i will also follow some influencers or figures, but only if they align with content i want to see and if they regularly post that kind of content, plus i mute all the promotional things like stories/notes/etc. i only keep stories on for people i actually know and i have my close ones set as favorites on the app too, so i can see their content first and foremost.

i mute any influencer/figure i follow who posts too often, which is most of them, but i'll keep following them if they still have meaningful content to me. if an influencer/figure i follow for fashion content starts posting stuff i don't care about like gym videos or what they eat in a day, i unfollow them. that's not what i signed up for or want to see, so goodbye!

as i mentioned, if i do scroll, i've gotten in the habit of doing it in 15 minute windows or when the content stops feeling interesting, whichever comes first. i have a list of keywords and phrases muted in my settings because i actively avoid certain kinds of content, especially political content.

before anybody rolls their eyes, it's not because i don't care, it's because i am highly aware of how many accounts are bots and/or sources of misinformation, and i have specific parts of the internet, like reliable sources, where i regularly go for political content and current events instead.

it's a nice boundary because when i'm happily consuming fashion content, the last thing i want is to scroll and see something that enrages me. there is a time and a place for engaging with content that is so powerful that it enrages me, but instagram isn't that place for me. by design, by choice.

swinging on an emotional pendulum because my algorithm feeds me content that makes me go from happy to pissed to sad to laughing is not something i want, and after years of doing it before, i refuse to do it again. that's not normal and i feel disturbed when i think about how often i used to do it.

being shameless about muting/blocking/filtering

i am the biggest fan of muting/blocking/filtering. i've heard people say things like if you get blocked by someone then you won. i think it's immature & hilarious, the kind of thing a 17 year old says who genuinely means it after they've had some petty fight with another 17 year old. really, it's a confession: your pride & your ego are so massive that you'll let it get in the way of your own peace. i won't.

i tried to be the person who doesn't block people so they wouldn't know how much something they did or said bothered me, but i'm years beyond that line of thinking. peace feels fucking amazing and some people definitely take that for granted. calling it a filter, or a mute button, or a block button, doesn't do it nearly enough justice. i think a better label would be stfu mode. that person treated you terribly? ok i'll set them to stfu mode. that person is blowing up your phone? set them to stfu mode. someone is harassing you online? stfu mode. just don't like the energy that person brings to the table and don't want to see them? stfu mode.

my block list is miles long and i'm very happy about that. most of those people didn't do anything to me personally, i just found their content so annoying that i did myself a favor and gave myself a surefire way to not see it again. don't get it twisted though, because i definitely use it for personal reasons too. i don’t believe in continuing to follow people for the sake of being “nice”, my priority is my own peace, so if that peace is being disrupted or it’s better for me mentally to block someone, i will without question. when i graduated college and finally left a program with some of the worst people i have ever met, i left those chats as soon as i could. i did all that i was obligated to and then i left, because why would i stay somewhere i don't feel welcome and don't want to be anymore? this is my phone! i'm pro-mute/block/filter/leave the chat, for whatever reason and whenever you want to. i’m sure you know what is best for yourself; prioritize that. my phone is like my personal space so by all means, if i wouldn't want to deal with them in person, they’re still not getting to me digitally.

creating information boundaries

i touched on this in the previous section about treating my digital space like my physical space, but to elaborate, i have certain topics i actively avoid in my social media feeds through muting keywords and unfollowing accounts that regularly post about them. not because i don't care about these issues but because i prefer to engage with them through more reliable sources and in settings where i can properly process the information.

for instance, i get my news from established journalism with editorial standards, not from random accounts with zero credibility. i read about complex social issues in articles or books where nuance is possible, not in 200 character hot takes designed to provoke reactions. this helps me maintain my emotional wellbeing while still staying informed through channels i actually trust.

i've found that social media is rarely the best place to develop nuanced understanding of complex topics; it's designed for reaction, not reflection.

maintain the integrity of your digital space

use those adblockers baby! sponsor blockers too! i am not interested in people selling me something every time i watch something. the internet is cleaner and faster with a good adblocker. it's like the difference between trying to have a conversation with someone while a salesperson keeps interrupting you versus having that same conversation in a peaceful setting. your browsing experience becomes much more pleasant when you're not constantly being bombarded with attempts to grab your attention and sell you things.

for anyone interested, i’ve switched to a browser called brave since chrome has stopped allowing extensions to block ads, and i use the brave browser app and another called hush on my phone. i also have surfshark for using a vpn on both my laptop and phone. these tools don't just block ads, they speed up your browsing by reducing the amount of tracking scripts that run in the background, they save your data by not downloading unnecessary content, and they protect your privacy by limiting the information websites can collect about you. it takes maybe 10 minutes to set up and the difference is immediate and noticeable.

digital downsizing: who gets access to you?

reflections on deleting certain apps or accounts

i could tell you why i signed up for all these apps and i can tell you why i deleted them too. i signed up for all of them because others did and i felt like i should. i deleted them because i realized they have no purpose or their purpose was redundant. ok so i have friends, and i have those friends as contacts in my phone to text/call, but i also need them on instagram? and snapchat? and facebook? and tiktok? and linkedin? i'm tired just writing this list and thinking about how many platforms there are now.

i deleted my snapchat account. i deleted my x account. i deleted linkedin off my phone and only use it on desktop maybe twice a month. btw, the way some people post on linkedin needs to be studied, but i’ll save that for another post. i deleted tiktok off my phone and i only have an account at all because i posted videos that went viral with the intention of helping people, and they still help people, so i let it be. i have a facebook account but not the app because i only open that facebook account a few times a year to see what the older people in my life are up to if i haven't seen them in person. the only social media left & downloaded for me is instagram for specific purposes. substack might count but i only use it for reading & writing. discord is only for managing a server and keeping up with a tech community i have there, a few times a month. notice the intentions for each.

the freedom that comes from platform reduction

i used to go from snapchat to tiktok to instagram to twitter like a zombie. now i find i have so much more mental space and time for things that actually matter to me. it's like my brain can breathe again. i don't feel that constant pull to check what's happening on multiple platforms or that anxiety about missing something important. if something is truly important, i'll hear about it through the channels i've chosen to keep. everything else is just noise.

the freedom comes not just from having fewer apps to check, but from breaking the cycle of constantly seeking validation and stimulation across multiple platforms. the first few weeks after deleting most of my social media was honestly uncomfortable. i kept reaching for my phone out of habit, opening it, then realizing there was nothing to mindlessly scroll through. after that initial withdrawal period, i started noticing how much clearer my thoughts became. my attention span gradually improved, and i found myself able to read for hours again, something i hadn't done since before my social media addiction took hold in 2020.

how to decide which platforms actually deserve your presence

questions to ask yourself: what kind of things do i do on this app? are those good/bad for me overall? do i like the content on this app? do i like the people/accounts i follow? is there anything unhealthy for me in this space? does this app serve a redundant purpose? in other words, do i do something on this app that i could do on another app?

for me, this is what made me realize i should pick between tiktok and instagram. i chose instagram, since i can do a lot over there, but tiktok is pretty much only for videos, and that's too specific and redundant when instagram reels exist, so it's deleted and i haven't missed it in 2 years. personally, i find snapchat to be the most useless of them all, and i'm shocked when i see anybody who isn't a teenager or influencer using it.

i think it's important to evaluate each platform through the lens of what it actually brings to your life, not what it promises to bring. does it connect you with people you actually care about? does it provide information or entertainment that genuinely enriches your life? or is it just a habit, something you check compulsively without getting much in return? be ruthless in this assessment. just because a platform is popular doesn't mean it deserves your attention. just because everyone else is on it doesn't mean you need to be. your attention is valuable and finite; invest it accordingly.

maintaining connections that matter while cutting digital noise

don't let fomo make you feel like you need to see your friends on every app. most of all, you need to see your friends in person, and if you can't do that, then by phone. you don't need facebook instagram twitter/x youtube tiktok bluesky reddit discord snapchat bereal letterboxd linkedin tumblr, i mean damn!

i've found that the quality of my relationships improved when i focused on deeper interactions through fewer channels rather than shallow interactions across many. instead of liking a friend's post on three different platforms, i might have one meaningful conversation with them. instead of messaging ten acquaintances with quick check ins, i might spend an hour on a video call with one close friend, like my friend who moved to egypt. i make more phone calls now too, which feels much more personal than texting. when i do see people in person, i'm more present. the paradox is that by being less accessible digitally, i've become more available to the people who matter.

replacing mindless scrolling with meaningful engagement

identifying your "instead of" activities

for me, these are: writing, reading, gaming with my brother & bff, cooking, playing with my 2 dogs, painting, journaling, watching documentaries/shows/movies with my bff, going for a walk, playing just dance, coding/building something, listening to a podcast while doing something else like cleaning, playing dress up, going thrifting, seeing my friends, seeing my family, calling my long distance friends, painting my nails, doing an everything shower, laundry, getting work done for my website development business, etc.

these activities fall into a few categories: creative expression (writing, painting), connection (time with friends and family), learning (reading, podcasts), physical movement (walking, just dance), self-care (showers, nails), and productive work. i try to have at least one thing from each category that i genuinely enjoy so i always have options regardless of my energy level or mood.

i've found that having a specific list of alternative activities is crucial. when the urge to mindlessly scroll hits, you need concrete alternatives ready to go. otherwise, it's too easy to default back to the path of least resistance.

reconnecting with hobbies that feel meaningful

this is about rediscovering parts of yourself that might have been neglected during periods of heavy digital consumption. for me, returning to writing and art felt like reuniting with old friends. there was an adjustment period where these activities didn't provide the same instant dopamine hit as scrolling, but gradually, they became more rewarding in a deeper, more sustaining way.

i think many of us have forgotten what it feels like to be completely absorbed in something that challenges and fulfills us. that state of flow is so much more satisfying than the constant partial attention we give to our feeds. there's something profoundly validating about creating rather than just consuming.

the key difference is that these activities build something - skill, understanding, relationships, or tangible creations - while scrolling mostly just passes time. after an evening of writing or painting, i have something to show for it. after an evening of scrolling, all i have is the vague memory of content i've already forgotten.

the difference between active and passive digital consumption

i've come to think about digital consumption in terms of whether i'm driving or being driven. am i intentionally seeking out content that serves a purpose for me, or am i letting an algorithm determine what i see based on what will keep me scrolling longest?

active consumption involves critical thinking, questioning, connecting ideas to my own life, and knowing when i've had enough. it looks like:

• reading an article from start to finish rather than just the headline

• watching a documentary i specifically chose to learn about a topic i'm interested in

• researching a specific question and gathering information from multiple sources

• discussing ideas with others in a thoughtful way

• deliberately setting time limits for entertainment

passive consumption is characterized by that trance-like state where one video blurs into the next and suddenly it's two hours later. it's the difference between watching a documentary i specifically chose to learn something versus watching whatever autoplays next because i'm too zoned out to make a conscious choice.

finding the right balance for your specific needs and values

i think the key is experimentation coupled with reflection. try different approaches and really pay attention to how they make you feel, not just in the moment but hours or days later. a social media session might feel good while you're doing it but leave you feeling drained afterward; a digital sabbath might feel uncomfortable at first but wonderful in the long run. get curious about these patterns in your own life.

remember that your ideal balance will likely be different from anyone else's. we all have different professional requirements, social needs, interests, and temperaments. respect those differences in yourself rather than trying to force yourself into someone else's ideal of digital wellness.

this isn't about rigid rules

the most sustainable changes come from deeply understanding your own patterns, triggers, and needs. no external set of rules can substitute for that self knowledge. what works for someone else might be completely wrong for you. what matters is developing an awareness of how technology affects you specifically, both positively and negatively, and making adjustments based on that awareness. this isn't about being perfect; it's about being intentional. it's about recognizing when technology is serving you and when you're serving it. and it's about having the courage to make changes when you realize the balance has tipped in the wrong direction.

the ongoing process of refining my relationship with technology

i'm still working on it, but i feel super happy with where i'm at, so i'm not sure when my relationship will change again or why. i like it as it is now and it's helped me realize how important curation is (quality over quantity), how time really is the only thing i don't get back, how important hobbies are and how i lost my way with them, how everyone is competing for our attention now, how important it is to be in the moment, how much more effort i should be putting into my relationships in real life (not over-relying on digital interactions to feel like connection), especially because that's when i have the best time. i don't have the best times in video meetings, phone calls, text messages, group chats, dms, or platform-specific interactions… i consistently have the best time with people when i'm in the moment, in person, with people i want to be around. bonus points for human touch too. nothing beats that.

the most profound changes i've noticed are:

• my anxiety levels have dropped significantly

• i sleep better without that last minute scroll before bed

• my creativity has flourished with more mental space

• i can read books for hours again without getting distracted

• my friendships feel deeper and more meaningful

• i'm more present and engaged in my daily life

• i've reclaimed a sense of agency over my time and attention

how digital minimalism connects to intentionality and presence

at its core, this is about reclaiming agency in all areas of life. when we become more intentional about our digital consumption, we might find ourselves becoming more intentional about other aspects of our lives as well. at least, i did. we might start questioning other societal defaults and asking whether they truly serve us.

in a culture obsessed with more, more followers, more content, more productivity, more optimization, there's something radical about saying "actually, i want less, but better." it's a rejection of the mindset that equates quantity with quality, busyness with importance, and connectivity with connection.

reflect on your own digital relationships

as i wrap this up, i want to emphasize that the goal isn't to make you feel guilty about your current digital habits. we're all navigating this unprecedented era together, figuring things out as we go. my hope is simply to invite a moment of reflection, a pause in which you might ask yourself whether your relationship with technology is serving the life you want to live.

if the answer is yes, fantastic. if the answer is no, or not entirely, know that small changes can make a big difference. you don't have to overhaul your digital life overnight. start with one boundary, one intentional choice, and see how it feels. maybe it's turning off notifications for a single app, or setting aside one meal a day to be phone free, or experimenting with not using your phone before bedtime.

the journey toward minimalism isn't about reaching a perfect end state; it's about the awareness and intentionality you may develop along the way. ultimately, that awareness is the greatest gift you can give yourself in a world that profits from your constant distraction.